I graduated from my Master's program (yay!). Didn't move to Puerto Rico (sigh). Started doing therapy with Mexican immigrants...a little dubious that my Spanish would actually still be there after a 5-year hiatus (it was). Started a new relationship (woo hoo!). Adopted a cat (awh...). Started reading for fun again (finally!). Life is good.
2011 has been a tough year, though, in many ways. I love my job, but sometimes it makes me very tired. When it seems like all my clients are in crisis ... and I'm no longer working somewhere safe where I can take a walk on my lunch break to get away from it all ... I sometimes get a little down in the dumps. Then other days, I have teenage clients who tell me they want to be therapists when they grow up, and I smile and know that I'm doing at least someone some good. I'm still teaching flute on the side too, and one of my kids made it to All-State Band this year. Yesterday I was working with one of my newbies and I had a flashback to my first flute lessons and that sense of wonder I had with every new note that I got out of that instrument. It feels rewarding to be able to give someone else that experience.
I suppose that part of the reason I haven't written is that I've struggled a lot the last couple of years in a number of ways, and I didn't really have the clarity to put my thoughts into words. There was the winter of '10 that I was so ill I could hardly drive ... the questions I've wrestled through with the Lord to which I often felt I'd never get answers ... the many moments when, despite the things I have accomplished professionally, I've felt desperately behind on life compared to my peers, like there was a timeline for accomplishing certain life milestones, and I wasn't reaching any of them on time, and I didn't want to write about what I wasn't achieving ...
And finally, these last couple of weeks, I feel the fog lifting for the first time in a while. The Lord has given me a few answers that I've desperately sought for over the years. I've finally given myself permission to stop church-hunting and give in to what I've craved ... time alone with the Lord, away from the crowds of people I don't know, to connect with Him however I want ... which might be why my questions are finally being answered ... because I'm hearing straight from Him instead of just from people. In any case, I'm enjoying Him more than I have in probably 5 years. It's so refreshing.
My boyfriend moved away this summer to care for his father during an illness, and while it's been incredibly hard to have him gone, I'm watching the Lord meet his needs in really cool ways ... while we learn how to be there for each other from 6 hours away. I also kind of feel like that timeline I always had in my mind of things that are supposed to happen by certain points in my life (i.e. marriage, a family, and the picket-fence house, haha) is melting away. I'm finally accepting that sometimes life is just way out of my control. You can meet the most amazing person yet for some reason be separated because someone else needs them more. There's nothing I would have done differently along my dating journey ... and at this point I feel I've finally come to enough peace within myself that I'm bringing someone whole and mature into a relationship.
So, that's been life in a nutshell since I wrote last. Hopie's falling asleep as I write this, reminding me that I should be too... Night, all. :)
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